So here it is... my very first blog post. I still can't believe I am doing this. My blog hasn't gone live yet. But after this post is written it will be. I don't actually know where I am going to advertise the blog, how I am going to advertise the blog! So at the moment I am totally winging it...which coincidentally is how I am living life right now.
I am currently 3 months and 4 days on from when my wedding should of been. I wanted to write my 5 top tips for dealing with heart break!
1. Surround yourselves with friends and family! I have cried a lot of the last few months. I'm surprised my tear ducts haven't broken down from being over worked HOWEVER I know for an absolute FACT I would have cried even more if I hadn't surrounded myself with the amazing people in my life! Sometimes you may feel like your a burden being upset and down a lot but trust me these wicked people are in your life for a reason and would so much rather you be down around them than on your own. Do not suffer by yourself. They have your back.
2. Don't punish yourself. Now I am writing this having actually done this myself. Yes, around a week after everything happened I did make myself sit and listen to the song I was meant to walk down the aisle to. Why? I have no fucking idea because I am an idiot. I also looked through a scrapbook he made me for my first anniversary. Why? Again because I am an idiot. DON'T DO IT. You are gaining nothing from doing it! Throw that shit away...burn it if you have to and listen to some happy music. FYI shout out to my ex by little mix is THE break up song.
3. If you need help, get help. Don't think your any less of a human being if you need to go and seek help from your GP. Help comes in a number of ways and your doctor will chat with you about the best way forward for you whether it be counselling or maybe some anti-depressants. I am currently seeking for a counselor myself because as much as today is a good day, tomorrow may not be. I have some fairly horrific shit I need to get my head around and that isn't going to happen overnight. Pick up that phone and speak to someone!
4. Exercise. Whether you like it or not working up a sweat helps your mind. They say exercise is the most underused anti-depressant out there. When I go for a run I feel on top of the world. So much so the the first time I went for a run after everything happened I ended up booking a holiday to Ibiza (courtesy of my parents - thanks guys). Start releasing those endorphins!
5. Do what makes you happy. Go and buy the outfit, bag, pair of shoes, make up, latest phone, new laptop or whatever it is you want. Book a heartbreak holiday, I did! I went back to my happy place of Ibiza. I first visited Ibiza 4 years ago and ever since my first holiday I keep leaving a piece of my heart there. I laid on the sun lounger that first evening drinking San Miguel looking over at the lights of San Antonio feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Did it fix me? No. I have cried many tears since Ibiza. However I created some new memories with my friend Ross and it was the start of the next chapter of my life. Creating new memories is so important. It is how we start to let go of the memories of our past...the ones that burden us.
Bonus tip - I know I said top 5 tips but I am adding this one in.
Don't try and replace what you had. I spent the first month or so feeling very sad and lonely. I was used to going home to him, waking up to a message in the morning from him, having dinner with him, going out for a meal with him, going to the shops with him, PLANNING OUR WEDDING WITH HIM, etc. I spent lots of time doing stuff with my friends which was fun however at the end of the night when I went home by myself the loneliness hit again. It is very easy to spend all your tine focusing on trying to replace what you had and search for your next soul mate but actually you need to search for yourself again. If you have been through a break-up...especially when you didn't do the "breaking up" your confidence and self asteem will take a huge hit. The most important thing is YOU. Learn to make yourself happy and learn to love yourself before trying to love someone else. This isn't easy! I am not quite there but I am in the process. My plan eventually, find someone that compliments my life as opposed to being my life.